By William Haduch
Lately, it seems that the Ewing police are going to crack down even harder on College parties this year. Last year was a big turning point for our school’s party scene, as the annual Sigma Pi Luau was canceled because it would no longer be allowed by the Ewing police department. Shouldn’t Ewing Township do a little bit more to embrace College students? After all, it’s our alcoholics that support the Ewing liquor stores, our stoners that support the fast food “joints” and our guidos that support the tanning salons. But in all seriousness, College students do contribute a lot to the community. In fact, the College may be the sole reason that Ewing has not become an extension of the grim-looking Trenton.
I really would like to see the College be allowed to have a true college-town atmosphere. And no, College administrators, by “college-town” I don’t mean a glorified Arby’s or Chick-Fil-A across from Loser Hall (although I do love me some Arby’s). I mean that the township of Ewing needs to turn a strategic blind eye to certain gatherings of merry-making, especially those in which students can sip freely from their goblets of silly juice. Princeton Township certainly turns a blind eye, and their college seems to do alright for itself. Let the kiddies party; unless of course, there is actual damage being done.
I attended a social gathering of sorts last spring. It was a peaceful gathering. People did not break things. Kittens were not drowned. Laughter filled the air. In fact, the only negative words spoken on this night were “Everyone shut up! We got some popo outside!” As the law enforcement entered the house, I made an elusive and daring escape. And by “an elusive and daring escape,” I mean that I stumbled past three cops with a balloon animal on my head. While my balloon animal (I think it was a snake) all but screamed “arrest me sir!” I was allowed to leave unscathed by the long shaft of the law. However, two of my 20 year-old friends were not so lucky and were given large fines for underage drinking. While I escaped into the streets of Ewing, I pondered several things like: “Why did this gathering need to be stopped?” “Are my friends going to jail?” and “What’s on my head?”
The police department seems to spend a strangely large amount of time and effort “busting” parties and handing out fines. Meanwhile, there are far more violent things that happen in the Trenton area such as robberies, sexual assaults and attacks from George Washington’s army on Christmas Day. I invite everyone to look up “Ewing” or “Trenton” on www.familywatchdog.us, a website that puts a red dot on the map anywhere a sex offender lives. The map looks like my face during puberty. There is a lot of work to be done when it comes to cleaning up this area, and I don’t believe that fining college kids should be a priority. I also find it suspicious that more and more fines are being handed out now that our state is in tremendous debt. Instead of fining the state’s brightest students for blowing off steam, the government should probably stop spending money it doesn’t have. But I digress.
Something that many people don’t realize is that loosening up on partying would actually benefit our school by enticing prospective students. If the College continues or even worsens is reputation as not being “party friendly,” we will continue to lose thousands of brilliant potential students. The first thing that my younger friends ask me when they are accepted to the College is “so how are the parties?” The social life on campus truly is a huge part of their decision. These are extremely bright kids who are turned away when I tell them the truth — that all underage drinkers are waterboarded, beheaded and given extremely painful noogies by Ewing town officials. If we want to be Princeton so badly, and call ourselves a “public ivy,” then let the kids party like Princeton kids (hard).