Hey guys! I actually watched the Super Bowl! No like for real I did. Don’t give me that look. I don’t need yo attitude! GET OUT OF MY FACE GET OUT OF MY FACE.
Anyway, the Super Bowl was held this past Sunday as the San Francisco 49ers (apparently not the name of a punny gay bar) and the Baltimore Ravens faced off in New Orleans. But the real story of the night was BEYONCÉ BEYONCÉ BEYONCÉ.
The superstar diva killed it when she took the stage during the halftime show. She was also nice enough to allow her two biggest fans, Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams, to join her to perform as Destiny’s Child. When Michelle Williams popped out from the stage, her face screamed confusion and a look of “Wait, this ain’t Hooters!” It’s a known fact that Michelle Williams works at Hooters from noon to 10 p.m. everyday, after which she goes home to the apartment she shares with Tia and Tamara Mowry. She’s trying to get a “Sister, Sister, SISTER” thing going on but Tia and Tamara want nothing to do with it. Anyway, I digress.
Jay-Z did not perform with Beyoncé as rumored — probably because he was too busy nursing little Blue Ivy. Nevertheless, the entire performance was amazing and Madonna (who performed last year’s show) is most definitely FURIOUS and jealous and will seek revenge. As soon as she gets her skin restretched.
Drama though soon followed Beyoncé’s act when the lights in the stadium went out for a half hour. Damn it Michelle, stop singing on the job and fix the lights! (I really don’t hate Michelle Williams as much as you think I do. She makes a great placeholder!)
After the lights were fixed, some guys started throwing a ball around and the Ravens won. Edgar Allen Poe would be proud.
As much as I love talking about pigskin, let’s talk about Justin Timberlake’s new album cover. The album, titled The 20/20 Experience, features Justin Timberlake looking into a phoropter, which is that crazy thing optometrists make you stick your face in. Listen, the album cover could have gone worse. Since it’s called The 20/20 Experience, it could have been Justin Timberlake staring into Barbara Walter’s butt. She has the chicken pox right now, ain’t nobody about that life! The tracklist for the album is as followed: “Pusher Love Girl,” “Suit & Tie,” “Don’t Hold the Wall,” “Strawberry Bubblegum,” “Tunnel Vision,” “Spaceship Coupe,” “That Girl,” “Let the Groove Get In,” “Mirrors” and “Blue Ocean Floor.” Forget that girl Stella, Justin has got his groove back!
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