Satire

Campus police are currently investigating a fire that occurred in the bamboo forest outside of Townhouse South on Thursday, Feb. 20. Once ripe with a variety of lush greenery, the forest is now filled with ash.

Love is a wacky and wild thing. Love brings the world together. It can make the most rational person do the most irrational things. It causes a lot of tears — whether for joy, or for pain. Love is a really cool thing - that’s why the government made a holiday about love in order to boost a routinely depressed economy in a post-holiday season!

Everyone’s got something that makes them special: “I can juggle!” stated Annie Smeth, a senior biology major.

The latest pandemic has been a source of fear and crippling anxiety for millenia. In the 14th century, rats carrying the bubonic plague killed almost two thirds of Europe’s population. During the age of exploration, Native American populations across the hemisphere were drastically afflicted through the spread of European diseases such as smallpox, measles and typhus. The end of the first world war saw between 20-50 million people dying from the Spanish Flu. The amount of lost life due to these pandemics is unimaginable.

You’ve heard it all before. It’s the first day of the new year — hell, the new decade. You awaken from your deep slumber with a pounding headache and a low degree fever and look at the clock. Great. It’s 2:00 in the afternoon. As you roll out of bed, you acknowledge your disgusting and misshapen body in the mirror. Triumphantly patting your beer belly, you grin from ear to ear, give yourself a quick nod and exclaim, “New year, new me!”

Tony PerroniSignal Contributor The end of October is one of my favorite times of the year. The smells of neighborhood bonfires, crisp red leaves...

It’s the spookiest time of the year! Pumpkin spice is in the air! Spirit pop-up shops line strip malls across the nation and the turning foliage reminds us all how our youth is fleeting

A healthy routine is an absolute necessity for any hard-working college student.

Water — it makes up the very basis of human life. Without it, all life on this planet would surely perish. We drink it. We use it to make Ramen. We do our number 2’s in it, and sometimes, we wash our hands with it after.

Jonathan Skidmore, a junior biology major, recently purchased an auxiliary cord for his 1997 Toyota Corolla.

The College student lifestyle can be summed up by one catch-all phrase — work hard, play harder. That’s why after an entire week of classes, clubs and homework, I found it absolutely necessary that on Saturday night, the entire Chip staff went to see former child actor and current one-hit-wonder, Drake Bell, perform at Rider University, located right in our very own backyards in Lawrenceville, New Jersey.

On most American campuses, Greek Life is a common part of the college experience. Between philanthropy, professional development and camaraderie, the values that many Greek organizations give to the campus community