Monday, May 10, 2021
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The Goose: TCNJ Curriculum to be replaced by pop culture references

Hailing from the infamous page on Instagram, The Goose provides ‘the most reliable fake news at TCNJ.’ 

Over the past five years, there has been a decline in the overall GPA at The College of New Jersey, which left staff members scratching their heads — the administration went out to find the source of the problem.

“Why should I care about some dude in a frilly jacket from the 1700s,” says history major Chris D. 

“Politics are boring,” says James M., a political science major. “I don’t get why we have to take classes about it.”

At this point, the staff realized that the way classes are taught needs to change. 

After increasing the price of tuition, the administration explored Twitter hashtags to determine what their students are into and decided that making a more reliable curriculum based on pop culture might just be what TCNJ needs.

The results so far speak for themselves. 

“Wow, I didn’t realize it before, but when the Allies won World War 2, it felt like they tossed the Ring into Mount Doom, restored the heart of Te Fiti, destroyed Voldemort’s last horcrux, and took the infinity stones back from Thanos all at the same time!”

“No way did Theodore Roosevelt say ‘Not you trying to shoot your shot at me lmaooo’ and gave an 84 minute speech after.”

“I can see why the Americans broke away from the British, it’s just like Star Wars.”

While the school is awaiting the results of these trials, it’s safe to assume that this probably didn’t work.

Disclaimer: This is obviously a satirical piece and does not reflect a real event.

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