Tuesday, January 19, 2021
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Kim’s Declassified: 5 Types Of People On Your Freshman Floor

By Kimberly Ilkowski
Review Editor

The latest from Kim’s Declassified College Survival Guide:

Living away at school is a weird concept to grasp sometimes. It’s kind of like, “Bye Mom and Dad, I’m off to have a giant slumber party with 40 other kids my age every night until May, see ya!”

Whether you like it or not, your motley crew of floormates becomes a quasi-family and your 100 degree dorm room becomes a home away from home. Next time you’re walking down your hallway try to spot the following…

5. The Functioning Alcoholic: We all have that lovable drunk down the hall. They came in on move in day with a mission: inebriate the masses. Somehow this person manages to get better grades than you while also holding the best keg stand time within the tri-state area.

4. The Sociopath: Ever seen American Psycho? Ever seen one of your floormates work up a sweat by jump roping in their tight black boxer briefs? Some eloquently spoken, well-dressed dude on your floor has Patrick Bateman spelled all over his open mouth grin.

3. Your Arch Nemesis: It’s been a long time coming. If you haven’t already met this person in high school, prepare your psyche for the destruction it’s about to face when this person curb stomps your dreams (or takes out your wet clothes so THEY can use the dryer).

2. Your Best Friend: On a lighter note, you’d never believe the kind of unbreakable bonds formed between those that live in ridiculously close quarters. When you sleep roughly three feet over a person (bunk beds, people) it brings you closer than ever expected.

1. Your New Crush: Admit ittttt. You like themmmm. You might even like like them. Do I dare say love? Whether you like it or not you’re going to develop feelings for the people you interact with. Even better, it’s for people you NEVER expected. Go for it anyway. Some people just do it for you…

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