Wednesday, May 5, 2021
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Signal Suggestions

Here are some headlines actually worth writing about instead of the Eick dishwasher being broken: “Reslife Student Staffers Fired for Exercising Fifth Amendment,” “Reslife Uses Facebook to Bust Students,” “Constitution Under Attack at the College,” “Sodexho Prices Rise, Meal Plans Plateau,” “Service at the Rat Needs Service,” “Music Alumni Take Priority Over Music Undergrad.”

A few other things I might change: Get rid of Ask Kayy. We can’t honestly be expected to believe she somehow gets genuine letters that pertain to a new and interesting topic every month from the members of this student body. It hurts the integrity of the paper.

Stop letting people who don’t know about theater or music review theater and music. Critics in this category in the real world are not journalists with an unlucky assignment; they’re professionals of the field they critique who can write. Why be different at the College? Last semester a writer didn’t understand the difference between the words “ensemble” and “concert.”

Stop cursing because you think you’re cool and in college and you couldn’t in high school; be a professional fuckin’ journalist and write. If you think it’s hypocritical of me to call you out on cursing when I do it myself, think harder.

Cop Shop needs to be more professional; writing it for entertainment’s sake sacrifices the integrity of the paper. And stop ending it with “there is no further information at this time”; we get that. That’s why the article ends.

The comics. See above about cursing. Just because you couldn’t draw Jesus saying “nigger” in high school doesn’t mean it’s necessary in the real world. I’m not trying to censor here; I’m trying to make a legitimate paper.

Opinion writers need to have an opinion that’s based on logical thought process. Don’t copy down a Bill O’Reilly transcript and reword it.

Add some new sections about student life, reports on upcoming events rather than (or, gasp, in addition to) reviews of past ones, faculty spotlight, student of the month spotlight, student concerns.

If after taking out all the bull shit, you find that all you have left are Remaly expos?s and the Sports pages, then fine. Build from that. Quality over quantity, Signal.

It’s unfortunate when the best idea you’ve had has been to advertise with the bolded letters “S-E-X.” It’s also unfortunate how much paper you waste producing this excuse for a college newpaper. Oh, and give someone a negative fuckin’ review once in a while.

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