Monday, August 2, 2021
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Kim’s Declassified: 30 Thoughts Everyone Has While Walking To Class

By Kimberly Ilkowski
Review Editor

I know classes can be boring and stressful, but just getting there is half the battle. Walking to class is like trying to beat a level in a video game: dodge the service vehicles, hide from the deer, avoid obstacles like construction zones, just to defeat the villain by snagging the best seat in the back of the room. If you’re walking alone you may go through immense inner turmoil between trudging forward or turning right back around for a nap. And if you’re walking with a friend, convincing yourselves to skip and do something fun becomes all the more easy. But battle on! We all think the same things while walking through campus, even from the moment we emerge from our dorm rooms, like…

  1. I’m blinded by the sun after being in my dark cave of a room all night.
  2. Leaves are falling, birds are chirping, ah nature… Nope not doing that today.
  3. This wind chill? I’m just not about it.
  4. Why do people insist on walking five people deep?
  5. Nah, it’s not like I wanted to get to class on time or anything.
  6. Maybe if I just go around them…
  7. Now I have to resort to a light jog just to get ahead of them.
  8. I may have looked like a maniac, but at least I’m back on track.
  9. (Absent-mindedly stares at cellphone out of boredom)
  10. (Consciously stares at cellphone out of fear someone I pass will say hi)
  11. (Exudes the concentration of a brain surgeon while staring at my phone to avoid interaction with someone I hate)
  12. All right, I think I’m safe, I can look up again.
  13. Oh, great, another white van on the sidewalks driving right towards me.
  14. Maybe if it just gently bumps into me I won’t have to go to class…
  15. They should install traffic lights at all major sidewalk intersections.
  16. Man, at least the squirrels seem happy, frolicking in the leaves.
  17. Stepping on this crispy, crunchy leaf will unfortunately be the high point of my day
  18. There may be more squirrels on this campus than students.
  19. I still have time, I can turn right around and go back to bed.
  20. My warm, comfy, cozy bed…
  21. In a room filled with endless snacks…
  22. But instead I’ll be in a cold room listening to a lecture.
  23. In an all white room…
  24. With a flickering fluorescent light…
  25. Is this college or an insane asylum?
  26. We’re all just hungry and cold and need a nap or two.
  27. Or 12 or 30…
  28. I could sleep for the next two months straight and still wake up tired.
  29. Well, I’ve almost reached my certain doom.
  30. No no no no no no no no no no.


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