Thursday, February 25, 2021

Johnanthony Alaimo

Nicholas Cage still crazy

Does Britney Spears have a new man? That’s what the latest reports are seeming to suggest. The unbalanced pop star was rumored to have been out with a new guy on Valentine’s Day. Apparently, a source revealed that they were set up by mutual friends.

Swift may start teen feud

If you’re like me, which I hope you’re not for the sake of your well-being, you watched the Grammys. The show was opened by Taylor Swift because what hasn’t she opened this year.

Super Bowl remembers Destiny’s other children

Hey guys! I actually watched the Super Bowl! No like for real I did. Don’t give me that look. I don’t need yo attitude! GET OUT OF MY FACE GET OUT OF MY FACE.

Chris Brown paints feelings, still a jerk

Chris Brown has reportedly assaulted Frank Ocean. Ummmm, can Brown be neutered already? Bitch is always in heat and needs to calm down.

Gosling talks abs, people everywhere swoon

I’m back and as critical as ever! Let’s talk about some news that gets me frustratingly aroused. Ryan Gosling, in a recent interview with an Australian (I know, a REAL Australian!) in the Herald Sun, has described his abs in a quite peculiar way.

Lohan punches woman, no one is surprised

One time, I got punched in the face by Lindsay Lohan. It was awesome. Do you see where this is going already? Lindsay is once again in the spotlight. The prison spotlight that is.

Disney star Cole Sprouse eats a duck fetus

So this week, I’ve decided to cover a story that is so monumentally shocking that I think you should go to IKEA and specifically buy a chair to sit down in while reading this. (You’ll be assembling that chair for a few days, but this story is timeless so it’s OK.)

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