September 30, 2020

SFB funding Coulter lecture was ‘absurd’

Although cheap shots are the bread and butter of U.S. politics, I appreciate a good challenge. However tempting it is, I will avoid the low-hanging fruit of the College Republicans for bringing Ann Coulter to the the College.

I can, however, laugh at the absurdity of spending more than $20,000 on someone who says things like, “Even Alexander the Great couldn’t win in Afghanistan,” and “The O.J. verdict freed whites from being pussies.”

Coulter is not the threat. The threat is an arcane council of individuals wielding untold power from a distance. Yes, I’m speaking of the Student Finance Board (SFB).

SFB has funded good things, but it seems to act without discretion, throwing money about so freely that American banks are jealous. In its Dec. 3 edition, The Signal reported SFB voted unanimously to grant the $22,800 to bring Coulter here. The justified explanation was “to foster College political discussion.”

I am left wondering where we will go if this line of ratiocination is going to prevail. Is it because SFB has so much money that it’s at a loss? Try ensuring our fields aren’t tainted with lead, covering the costs of unexpected mold developments in our newly built apartments, expanding Eickhoff Hall to accommodate traffic, filling out a full complement of Campus Police who are trained to pay more attention to grand theft auto than ticketing someone traveling five miles-per-hour above the speed limit or getting a legitimate food vendor service.

If none of these seem like viable alternatives, I will be more than happy to go on stage at Kendall Hall and rant like a bigoted, racist, sexist homophobe as long as you please, in exchange for $20,000. Sure, I may not have any pride or sense of self-worth at the end of it, but Coulter gets by living in that fashion.

This is the age of President Barack Obama, right? In deference to equal chastisement for the Democrats: You’re doing it wrong, say Republicans. You liberals need to start doing the right thing. Don’t walk out. You’ll get caught by The Signal in embarrassing photos protesting.

Don’t write intellectual opinions for The Signal if you aren’t protecting the controversial figure your group has invited to the College and then admonish everyone for not being so open-minded about welcoming a dogmatist here, á la the College Republicans.

Don’t invite legitimate politicians to talk about the inner workings of government – bring only toxic personalities so you galvanize even the anarchists into orderly action, in the fine fashion of the College Republicans.

This long-awaited event of chanting, chalking wars and general disgust has been brought to you by the fine people of SFB. Whenever you need a check cut for funding how many licks it really does take to get to the center of the Tootsie Pop, the monetary illuminati of SFB will be there.

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